| If you know what i mean then live for your fucking self |
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the greatest lovers were murders first
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| say goodbye |
[28 Dec 2004|12:56pm] |
im getting rid of this journal.
Cold_war
is the new one.
add it if you want
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| fuck |
[11 Dec 2004|11:18am] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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I am cold from your power you hold.
Under your eyes i can see,
the tiny ropes inside, that choke,
and tighten at every thought,
that wasnt about you. I pray for my
anger to break, and unwind any thread
that linked you back to me. How you
hold disease, so close to my heart.
These winds sing of open wounds,
and try to burry me. Leave me
in a piece i created. ultimatly yours.
You lost me.
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| I've got nothing but i still got friends |
[30 Oct 2004|11:57pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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Make Move (you know you know it haha) |
] |
so im chillen with my best friends, im having the fucking best time of my goddam life. I wish night like this would never fucking end. Its times like these that make life worth fucking living. If i could make one wish it would be to restore all my friendships and do nothing but hang out with the people i love much. I know that sometimes things get shady and out of hand with people. But life isnt worth living unless your having fun. That's why i dont want to have any enemies. If i have said or done anything to put you down in any way i take it back a million times over. Im starting over, so lets start over. It doesnt matter what ive done to you/youve done to me. Nothing but love. Besides that OTHER great news. My band CONTRA is setting up in the works a full winter tour with none other than COLD WAR. our last show with them was amazing. And im so glad to have played with those dudes. This band gives me new meaning and has opened so many new doors on my pathway to life. To my friends and brothers in my band. I love you. Thank you for letting me be apart of something so special and great as this. Relationship wise. I couldnt ask for anything more special in a girl. Its been 3 MUTHAFUCKING YEARS, that ive been with sara. I plan on marrying that girl. I love her so much. Well i hope everyone stays safe on halloween i fucking love you all so much. Please make sure to check out contra on out next couple of shows, dont be shy come up and say hi, id love to see any of you. xoxox.
-Nick
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| Not happening |
[15 Oct 2004|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Unearth: This lying world |
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Im at kevins updating this thing cause i never get a chance to, today was pretty chill, im being haunted by a fortunie cookie curse. And i got a speeding ticket. Besides that im peechy. I miss a lot of you faggots, so uh, drop a line.
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| Another night goes by... |
[02 Oct 2004|07:35pm] |
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So im listening to the new warriors cd. Chillen about to smoke a bowl with some bros.
S A U S A G E P A R T Y.
hahaha, had a bbq for prendiz today, it was cool, handlon cruised over. Good times.
Now were looking for a place to cruise. If you know lets do it.
<3
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| Yay for me. |
[21 Sep 2004|09:09am] |
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I quit smoking yesterday. One more day and the nicotine will be outta my system. No more ciggerettes for good.
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| grain of salt |
[16 Sep 2004|10:49pm] |
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Im sitting in kevins room just chillen. Relised that today was awesome. Beach. Pooping. Yolandas. One bummer though. No sara. but tomorow is the show. And should be fun, Expecting to see those i love there tomorow. If you miss martyr ad i give you a mad d suck. no joke. <3333
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| zella bell bruticus |
[04 Sep 2004|12:16pm] |
today is going to fucking rule. BBQ at kevins... and then the show tonight. Hope all you fuckers go... cheap pee pee rubs for all.
I am a lil sad right now though to tell you all the truth. Jake will not be able to sing tonight, so its just gonna be me singing. I <3 you jakey bakey. hell still be there ladies. So come for da jake, stay for the contra. By the way we have a new song. Go apeshit, its a fucking killer. No joke. Heave as fuck. xoxoxo
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| Eat a dick... |
[03 Sep 2004|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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Park: dont know the name of the song |
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As of this week everything seems cool i guess, for one contra quit being lazy, or kevin quit being lazy.... haha. New song just written as of yesterday. Fucking awesome shit, I promise. Garenteed to make you shit your pants. De Bone is an awesome guy like that. Writes some heavy shit. This tour is going to be amazing. Washington??? fuuuck yes... In such event i am going to get my sleve done before tour. All shit done by lynus. (The artist who did final plan/GUTG/AFI/Nerve agents, and i think theres more. But yeah. good stuff. I'm going to go to brooks soon. I cant wait to start. Ok so i got a story for you all.
I woke up this morning...
Found richard laying in bed next to me...
he was moning a girls name...followed by "Ohhh yes."
Funniest shit ever.
Later, i am downstairs in kevins den playing Street hoops Volume 2.
(Which is the shit bitches)
Richard tells me he has a crazy dream
has nothing to do with what i heard come outta his mouth this morning.
(more of a violent dream from what i can recall)
then he tells me we cuddled.
i love it <3
Richard i love you.
Well folks thats the end of my story.
Lindsey Lohan gives me raging boners.
So does Ashlee Simpson.
8=====D
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| Please die |
[19 Aug 2004|12:03am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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I WONT GO
Cause i've been there before,
it took my thirty years to pick my face off the floor.
Im sorry if things arnt the same but sleepless nights are
hardly worth the cheapness of your game,
If you know what i mean
LIVE FOR YOUR FUCKING SELF
life is to short to waste it on somebody else
there was a time where i swear i felt
that i fucking cared
burned now i walk with this fist in the fucking air
If you know what i mean
LIVE FOR YOUR FUCKING SELF
LIFE IS TO SHORT
T O W A S T E I T O N S O M E B O D Y E L S E
I don't care what they fucking say,
there not the ones who got to live with the pain
F U C K Y O U
dont talk to me im as deaf as i am blind
you made me cheap and thanks for wasted fucking time.
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| Forever... |
[18 Aug 2004|11:23pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
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music |
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Bleeding through: just another pretty face |
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So yeah tonight was kind of cool, not working was a plus, but not hanging out with KAYLEE was not a plus. That was probably my fault but i love you kaska.
- Shattered Realm, jesus christ so good. Singer of Punishment singing for them, made it that much more enjoyable.
-Getting stoned off my ass. Getting stupid high. I fucking love it. Then tonight makes me life a lil bit better.
-Minus getting over stuff. This i cannot really say why, but it fucking burns inside me about things i cannot make better.
-But i think that this life of mine should turn a whole 180' degrees before things get out of hand.
-I think that Old english has a taste like no other. Mickeys is some good shit. But this Old english is da shit.
I fucking love my friends right now. But I'm missing something...
I think i should continue writing lyrics.
by the way...
I <3 you.
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| fuck it |
[17 Aug 2004|02:12am] |
in the event everything should go terribly wrong...
drink until your eyes cant tell the difference between life or death...
fuck it.
I am not happy somebody drink with me...
or die.
could care less...
Brocklesocks makes my dick hard.
End of story.
P.s sean give me a number i can actually get a hold of you by...
<3
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| Taking shape destroy my life forever.... |
[11 Aug 2004|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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Bleeding through Our Enimies |
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so i havent updated in a while... yeah lots o stuff going on, shitty stuff i guess too. Um got a job, band is doing good, going to take promo shots tonight hopfully, nothing fucking special. Nothing to rockstar for you kids...haha. i love being a rockstar... sense the sarcasim. So this job means money which equals tattoos and x-box games and pisto. As well as le gange. hah. So this means if you want to smoke its a fucking open invitation...i need someone to get some gooooooood shit. None of that pretendo crap. Suck it faggot. Anyway besides that, ive been going through revolations of wierd fucking thinking patterns. im pretty bummed out about alot of shit i cant really say, but when fucking life rolls shit at you, you just got to fucking suck it up. Im glad i still gotz good friends in my life... its definatly something worth treasuring. i think my selection of friends is 'dwindling". I think i need out of this city. My my my. Things are just...not nice. Im confused about a lot of thing i guess to. I got of probation, that makes life easier. But im definatly not looking for anything i think about the couple shows ive been to of late. good stuff. I want to see day of contempt again, besides that a cut throat show would be nice. not gonna happen again. Somebody needs to start up the hyperstone heist. Bunches o shit. Wish i had something to do tonight...someone to talk to about stuff.. i think a crucial hang out session is in order. My nigga klee just answered my prayer. <333333
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[27 Jun 2004|04:02pm] |
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| So i was thinking |
[09 Jun 2004|06:29pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
lindsey lohan should sell merch for contra....
If god was down he'd get lindsey to sell merch for us...
our promo shots are tonight.....ein is going to be in them....
I am graduating...then partying...awesome...
then tour to canada eh...where i will smoke weed and drink till my brain is no good.
I love most of you reading this...
If you want a demo hit me up...
P.S. Hillary duff fans can suck my cock.... seriously...she has NO tits.
You dont like it... then FUCK YOU buddy...
the end.
P.S.P.S
who ever stole money from reneaza should get shot. I happen to like talking baths in her moms tub. Give it back or get aids. Also give back kevins shit too. Get aids as well if you dont give that back either...yeah. Bitches......fag.
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| in the room, the echos lay low like murder, just like wolves would just like you do |
[22 May 2004|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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impressed |
] |
For those who care, here is whats up in my life today.
Contra
My new love, my reason for staying happy. I love being apart of this, i cannot wait to record my vocals. Jakes are done, and it sounds sick. It gives me the fattest boners ever, haha. Song number two, most definatly my favorite song. Because southern rock parts rule. If you bored go check out the contra site or better yet go look at my lyrics at the offical lyrics page. Haha. so great. Our mp3's are on pure volume im too lazy to give you bitches a link. Go find it. Were not gonna play any shows around here. But were gonna be touring this summer. Actually right after a graduate we leave. A M A Z I N G.
Being a criminal
Last night was humorus, twists and turns. I am so thankfull to have close friends that i can commit crimes with on saterday nights with. Afterwards metting up at javiers and talking about touring. Javi playing for us on tour. Good stuff. Then metting up at 7/11 off 5th and ventura. Haha, meeting a rasta broad and giving her a dollar to by some 211's. Her coming back out explaing how shes gonna hook us up with some kron. Her running around for about an hour, and ever 5 minutes coming back explaining how shell be right back. I think she just walked around in circles around the 7/11. Good stuff.
ryan georges band is wierd... but i kinda like it. Call me a fag. But its wierd. I can't picture him singing. Fuck. haha.
As school goes, im on track to graduate. Yearbook still sucks. And i need money for brooks. So im going to join the coast guard. Hah! so funny.
p.s. somebody should give me money so i can stop staring at my unfinished tattoo.
Fuck you and goodnight
go listen to contra.
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[19 May 2004|08:32pm] |
new screen name:
xc0ntr4x
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[17 May 2004|09:54pm] |
LAST PERSON WHO
x. Slept in your bed: My sara
x. Saw you cry: Sara
x. Made you cry: Parents
x. You shared a drink with: Richard and Jake
x. You went to the movies with: Sara
x. You went to the mall with: Sara
x. Yelled at you: Sara
x. Sent you an email: Not sure
HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it?: Yes
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: Tug of war.
x. Florida: no
x. California: yes
x. Hawaii: no
x. Mexico: yes
x. China: no
x. Canada: no
x. Danced naked: naked tag at kevins house with sara.
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Um just normal deja vu
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: nah.
x. Had an imaginary friend: yea, me myself and i. Fuck you guys.
x. Do you have a crush on someone: Jake-e-poo
x. What book are you reading now: no books boo.
x. Worst feeling in the world: regret
x. Future son's name: Kid
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: I have ein
x. What's under your bed: a bunch of shit. no really...
x. Favorite sport to watch: Hockey by far and boxing
x. Siblings: Nichole, Tina, and a lil brother.
x. Location: oxnard
x. College plans: Brooks
x. Piercings/tattoos: got one
x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Sara Deutinger/Mary
EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: Really soon
x. Do you drink: All the time
x. Who is your best friend: My band is my friend. And ein.
x. What are you most scared of: Ryans penis
x. What clothes do you sleep in: in the nude.
x. Where do you want to get married: San clemente
x. Who do you really hate: blood brothers...H A T E.
x. Been in Love: yes
x. Do you drive: my truck
x. Do you have a job: no
x. Do you like being around people: no
x. Are you for world peace: im for world pizza
x. Are you a health freak: FUCK YOUR DIET YOU PIECE OF SHIT EAT SOME MEAT YOU FUCKING FREAK. haha, i kid. No seriously eat something. Fuck healthy food, you only live once, so life it fun.
STUFF
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: OH yes.
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: NOOOOOO, me??? never...
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: No rules beautiful inside and out.
x. Want someone you don't have right now: nah
x. Are you lonely right now: nope
x. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: Third eye blind Hows it gonna be?
x. Do you want to get married: Very soon
x. Do you want kids: 3
FAVORITE
x. Room in house: Mine
x. Type(s) of music: Metal, Hardcore,
x. Band(s): Between the buried and me, Shockwave, everytime i die, and of course EIGHTEEN VISIONS. B I T C H.
x. Color: black
x. Perfume or cologne? Niether, i smell of greek constantly
x. Month: March
x. Stone: Fuck i dont know. Pop rocks are for me.
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: nope
x. Bought something: two bean and cheese burritos at taco bell.
x. Gotten sick: nah
x. Sang: Open hand.
x. Said "I love you": yes
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: yeah sara again.
x. Met someone new: nope
x. Missed someone: klee
x. Hugged someone: sara
x. Kissed someone: sara
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| spare me... |
[12 May 2004|07:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 worried |
] |
i wrote this just right now...
i think it should cover how im feeling...
i have the worst feeling in the world right now...
right in my throat can you feel it?
that everytime i put this pen to paper
the ink bleeds inside my fingers
writing my hope, smearing my words.
The only answer is to see right through me,
lover deep inside my fingers,
i can right the perfect words to teach you all
my broken lessons
see right through me, see right through me.
Tell me what have i forgoten
am i dreaming, am i dreaming?
Mother mother spare the compostition of your childhood,
your unloved ones...your unloved ones.
In the room the echos lay like murder,
just like wolfves would,
just like you do, just like you do.
Blood is dripping from the pain inside us,
swelling comfort,
keeping us warm,
couldnt sit and tell me im the last one?
Before the sound goes, before the echos.
Tell me tell me, what have i forgoten
was it ever really meant for murder
am i sleeping
am i sleeping...?
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